XMAS BEAST FEAST

The holidays! I really like them because there is sooooooo much good food! This year Zach and I hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas at our house. We didn't go anywhere because we both love being in the city during holidays (there's always abundant parking and no college kids at the bars).

Here are some pictures of our Xmas

beast feast.

2000 Light Years Away

i think we feel the same way
talking to you is always the highlight of the day for me
the more we talk, the more i like you
and the more i like you, the more frustrating it is that we can't be together
which makes me want to talk to you even more, and so on
it's always entertaining to talk to you
because you're incredibly intelligent and funny, but it's almost to the point of redundancy
i already KNOW you are the most charming person ever
and now i just want to be with you

and the futility of conveying my feelings to you is so exasperating
there's isn't anything i can say
not even if we talked until the sun came up
that a single kiss wouldn't express a million times better
the silence that exists in intimacy
it's so much better than the words we fumble around with

we're so lucky
that miserable part of relationships
that people want to erase is so far down the line
that it's not even worth mentioning
and even if we do get our hearts splattered all over hell
and end up hating each other
i promise i won't erase you

Lucky to be Alive

Hey there!

I'm hanging at work. It's been real slow. It's a lovely day today! Too bad I'm cooped up at the shoppe!

Last night I went to Kimo's to see Microtia, a band that Oliver is touring with. It was really fun and I drank enough to poison a small hippopotamus. I met Oliver's on-again-off-again girlfriend, Brittany, and was pleasantly surprised at how cool she is. Usually ex's ex's and whathaveyou's are awkward and unpleasant. She's cool though. She's totally someone I'd be friends with. Is that weird? I don't care.

Anyway, it was really nice to see Oliver, although, I don't remember really hanging out with him much. He was wearing that suede blazer, so I couldn't get too close. Suede is my least favorite texture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I just typed "hippopotamus" in google and the it said, "Did you mean

hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia ?"

Yeah, That's what I meant.

What up, World?

Long time, no read.

Remember when I didn't have a job and I couldn't get my head out of my butthole? Well now I have three jobs. I'm like a crazy cat lady, but with low-paying jobs. Well, not entirely.

I got a job at Lush Handmade Cosmetics (lush.com). I worked there for just under 3 months before I got fired. Yes, fired. Who gets fired from pretty close the the easiest job? Well, it wasn't that easy. In fact, I don't know why I said that. It was extremely challenging. But what it was is that there's this old, tacky, goth woman who works there that didn't like me. I was too "mainstream" for her! She's gotta be close to 50 years old. She's got dry skin. She's gross. Inside and out. Unfortunately she deleted her facebook, otherwise I'd post it. It's bad.

Anyway, who cares? Because not even a week later I got a job at Spectacles Shoppe in Union Square. It's where I get all my glasses. My boyfriend knows the owner, Kevin, he is rad and Zach worked there for a little minute a couple years ago. Anyway, it sort of fell into my lap and I am very thankful. I get to hang out and sell specs to weirdos.

I also work at the Ferry Building Farmer's Market on Saturdays and Thursdays for these lox guys called Cap'n Mike's Holy Smokes. The owners, Cap'n Mike and Sally Hiebert are awesome and the people I work with are rad. I feel very lucky to have met them.

Anyway, Cannons & Clouds are playing a show tonight at the Knockout. It was put together by this lady who is on the board for the Treasure Island music festival, apparently. I think they're doing some sort of show case. Davey's band, Monoliths, is playing too.

Life's a Bitch and Then You Marry One. That's What I Always Say.

I hate to be a sad sack. I really do. It's just sometimes I am. I've been avoiding writing in this thing on account of people reading it. It's not that I don't want people to know what's going on with me as much as it's I don't want people to know that I'm having problems or who I'm having problems with. You know?

Basically what it boils down to is that Z and I are having problems. We haven't been getting along. We fight over really stupid shit that doesn't matter. Well, it matters. It's all those "little things" that people always say is what counts. Sometimes I want to just break up and get on with it and other times I think we can work it out.

What I really don't like about it all is that right now I need him. Financially. I've never had that problem before. I've always been at least semi financially independent. I mean, at least as far as living outside of my mom's house goes I've never had to rely on anyone. Don't get me wrong, my mom's definitely helped me out in the past, but that's totally different. She's never paid my rent (well, except one time for like 3 months when I was in "college"). My employment status has been the most chaotic it's ever been in my life since last August when I was fired from Cafe Divine for getting strep throat and the only reason I haven't been evicted yet is because Zachary has been helping out big time.

At first I felt I totally deserved it (him picking up all the checks, paying more rent, paying most, if not all the bills, etc, you get it). And I did deserve it. I've been there for him when he was financially down and out. I've picked up many a check. I've paid more rent. Then I got another job and we started splitting things pretty evenly. Then I lost my job because of sexual harassment. Then he started paying for things again. Then I got another job. He still had to pick up most of everything. Then I lost that job because I'm "not a team player," meaning, an old goth chick with dry skin and a weird, fried, mohawk-y thing was jealous of my phat ass.

Anyway, what are we even talking about?????

I think it's this weather. It's been cold, dreary, gloom and doom. Fuck it. I just need some vitamin D!

In a coma

This is the latest installment of my plum tree. My side/back-ish area was the total worst. I could hardly take it. I still took it though (thatswhatshesaid). Now I'm exhausted. I feel like I got all of the life knocked out of me. I'm really excited about this piece. It's going to look so cool when it's done. It already looks so cool. You can see the progression on my facebook. GOODNIGHT!

Listening to Lungfish!

Zach and I are playing music together here and there. It's tentatively called "Hushabye Mountain". The band name sounds like it could be something epic, which is more what I want. I seem to like long, drawn-out, echo-y, slow stuff. Sort of like a Jesu-ish kinda sound but with minor chords.

I haven't washed my hair in almost a week and it seems to be getting healthier and not greasy. It's a little greasy. I've been sifting baby powder into it. Luckily my hair is kind of light right now. Anyway, I guess being the poorest I've ever been has some advantages.

Speaking of which, I really AM the POOREST I've EVER been. Ever. I just spent my last dollar on rent and I'm still short. For some reason, though, I'm not toooo worried about it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've been freaking out a little here and there, crying hysterically, getting really down on myself, not sleeping well, having awful dreams, etc...but I don't know, at this very moment I'm feeling like everything is going to work itself out. I mean, it has to, right? I'm a good person, right? I deserve a chance? Right?

However, since I am broke and my food stamps don't re-up until the 10th (1 week from today) I have to be even more creative in the kitchen and I have to eat less. I've ended up eating weird concoctions, which I don't want to repeat (maybe because I've blocked them from my mind), and also eating 1 or 2 really small meals a day. I hope I lose some of this baby fat, NAW MEAN?!?!

Lovums,

Verni

Meet Me in the Garden of Eden, Bring a Friend.

Joanna Newsom's newest album, Have One On Me has some of the most beautiful love songs I've ever heard. The songs that stand out in my mind right now are "Easy" and "Jackrabbits". I've sort of exclusively been listening to only that album. The whole thing is good. Every single song is good. There were a few songs, at first, that I wasn't crazy about but maybe they grew on me. The only thing I'm not *crazy about* is that some of the percussion is weird, like maybe they could've done with out it. But! neverthelessssss....

Tuesday night Zach went to his mom's house and spent the night. Yesterday when he was on his way home the van sprung a leak. A transmission leak. Aye yai yai. Anyway, his mom ended up driving him home, so I made dinner. I made Campanella pasta with a marinara sauce and a spinach salad with strawberries, pecans and a olive oil/balsamic/sweet-hot mustard dressing I whipped up. She was impressed.

Today I'm getting tattooed by Josh Visher. I think we're gonna do some shading, maybe some color, or maybe some more line work. There's a bit more to do. We'll see! Getting tattooed is kind of scary sometimes. Really, it's fine, but just right before I get so nervous and freaked out. I guess that's normal.

Anyway, gotta go re-clean the house!

xovernikins

Pie + Coffee Night, or "Operation: AGENT COOPER"

Last night was, I'd say, the most successful Apples to Apples night thus far. At least the most fun! I met up with Brie and Chris in the Mission. We bought ingredients for Tuna Casserole. If you want that recipe you'll have to ask me. I'm not posting it on the internets. It's so good.

Dana came over, then Keith and Dan, then Jess and Josh. So there were 8 of us. The more, the merrier! Somehow

"PIE" came up in conversation. We all decided to start "PIE + COFFEE NIGHT" AKA "OPERATION: AGENT COOPER" which might also fall on Tuesday nights. I think how it's going to go is every week someone showcases their own homemade pie (rather than a bunch of people make a different pie on the same night). There's talk of pumpkin, strawberry, apple, sweet potato, and a mixed berry pie. So if you want to get in on this then let me know.

The weather is weird. It keeps raining really hard then the sun

comes out. All my shoes at this point have holes in them and I can't afford new ones until I get a job. So

walking in the rain ends up me walking around with wet feet. It's so weird how when you're poor all of the sudden all my clothes start falling apart. I feel like a peasant. I look like a bum. Next thing you know you'll see me

walking around in a cloud of dust. Like Linus. Is it Linus? Wait. Pig Pen. Yes, you can start calling

me "Pig Pen" from now on. There's a picture of me and all my friends.

Fat Kid Food Forever, OR FKFF.

A week ago I posted this really long, detailed *blog* describing to you my dinner - which was a marinated top round beeeeeef with taters and this amazing brown gravy I made from the marinade, however, it got lost in the struggle. I've also seemed to have lost my recipe notebook, so until I can find it you'll just have to imagine it, in your dreams.

This morning I woke up in a funk due to bad dreams and just being really stressed out in general about life. I woke up late, like probably close to noon. Who knows. Anyway, I don't buy bread of any sort anymore, I make it. I felt like having biscuits and poached eggs. Ever since my totally successful Eggs Benny I've secretly been obsessed with poached eggs. Like, I mean, I think about poaching eggs all the time. It's ok, though, it keeps my mind off of how much life can eat a bag right now.

So I've never made biscuits before, so I was a bit nervous. They turned out fine, but they had sort of a bitter, salty flavor. I'm not totally sure why, I think it may have been because of how much baking powder I put in. Or the fact that I'm not totally sure if my baking powder is baking soda or not. I'm pretty sure it's powder, but not sure, I bought it in bulk and I didn't label it after I put it in a jar. Anywho! Here's the recipe!

Verni & Zach's Fat Kid Jalapeno Cheddar Biscuits of LOOOOVE:

2 c flour, preferably unbleached

4 tsp baking powder***

1/2 tsp salt

2 tbsp shortening (I just used butter, not into crisco or anything like it)

3 tbsp grated cheedddarrr, or more, you decide

about 1 c milk

1-2 chopped up and grilled jalapenos (NEXT time I make this I will chop the jalapenos ever so finely, I think that will make it better)

*** - I think that maybe this is why it had the kinda weird bitter flavor, but not sure

1. Preheat oven to 450

2. Start by mixing dry ingredients (flour, baking powder, salt) in a big bowl. Mix in cheddar and jalapenos, then rub in butter (or shortening of your choice) with your fingers. Gradually add milk while stirring with a knife (like a butter knife). It should start to turn into a soft dough.

3. Lightly flour a surface - I used a wooden cutting board. Put your dough on the surface and flatten it. I just used my hands, but I'm sure a rolling pin works just as well or better. Flatten it to about 1/2 " thick. Cut out dough using a biscuit cutter. I didn't have a biscuit cutter, so I just used a big cup.

4. Place a greased baking sheet, bake 10 - 15 min at 450.

I ended up making 6 regular biscuits and then a big, deformed, weird one. You can probably make about 8 or so with this recipe, depending on how big your cutter is.

So then after that I broke up some sausage and threw it on a skillet to cook it. After that was done cooking I made a white gravy in the cast iron. I don't have the exact measurements for that. All you do is put some milk in your pan and then stir in flour with a fork or a whisk to your desired thickness, adding more milk to thin it out. Then, while constantly stirring, I added crushed pepper and a little salt (you don't need too much salt because the sausage is salty).

Zach had the gravy going while I started to poach the eggs. It was really good.

For Jaclyn

*@*@*@*@ I found my recipe book!

So this is what I had for dinner last Tuesday:

Beef round eye (marinated)

Steamed Broccoli Rabe (drizzled with my previously talked about Hollandaise sauce)

Tater, carrots and red onion (baked)

Beeeeeeef marinade:

~1/4 cup soy sauce

1 cup freshly juiced pineapple juice

1/2 cup water

3-4 cloves of garlic, minced

1 lemon squeezed, with a little bit o' pulp

1/2 a regular/largish red onion, sliced pretty thinly (not chopped)

2 shots of bourbon (I used Jim Beam, woof)

A generous squeeze of Sriracha

Salt & pepper to taste.

I let that hang out for a bit.

Meanwhile, I quartered some (5) yellow potatoes and cut up 2 carrots. I put some bacon grease and salt on a casserole dish, then put the taters and carrots around the edges, forming sort of a frame. After a little bit I took the meat out of the marinade and seared all the sides, then put it in the casserole dish and then poured about half of the marinade over the dish with all the onions and garlic. Then I preheated the oven to 450.

I let that sit in the oven (uncovered) for 20 minutes, then turned off the oven. NEVER OPEN THE OVEN - it lets the heat out. My beef was about 2.5 lbs. You're supposed to leave it in there 20 min for every pound. So I let it sit in the oven for 40 min longer.

Meanwhile I made a brown gravy!

Brown Gravy ingredients:

The rest of the marinade

1/4 c butter (1/2 stick)

1/4 c flour

1 clove minced garlic

1/8 c ketchup

1 tsp dijon mustard

a few splashes of red wine. I think I used a Cab Sav.

~quart of beef broth (that I had left over from St. Patrick's Day boiled beef brisket and cabbage, don't worry, it was frozen)

1. In a sauce pan melt butter over med-low heat. Add flour and stir for about a few minutes until golden brown and smells like pie crust. Add garlic, cook for about 30 seconds. Whisk in a cup of broth, then add in the rest of the ingredients, except S+P.

2. Bring to a simmer, whiskying, reduce heat to low, simmer about 20 min.

3. Season with S+P to your liking

As I was making the gravy I steamed some broccolini. I timed that so it would be done right when the meat was done. I took the casserole dish outta the oven and took the meat off of it and put in on a cutting board. PS, I made it sort of med-rare. Perfect.

I sliced the meat, scooped the potato/carrot/onion mix onto the plate, with brown gravy on top, then the broccolini with the rest of my left-over hollandaise sauce on top. It was totally delicious!!!! And it wasn't that expensive either.

For Dean

For breakfast I made a sort of Eggs Florentine.

The Hollandaise Sauce:
1/2 c melted butter (1 stick)
3 egg yolks
1 tbsp + 1 tsp freshly squeezed lemon juice
1/8 tsp salt
1/8 tsp Tapatio (the actual recipe calls for a dash of cayenne but I ain't got none, but I think any hot sauce will do, naw mean?)
2 tbsp hot water

1. Heat butt in sauce pan until hot and foamy but not browned.
2. In a small bowl whisk eggs with lemon juice, salt and Tapatio. Gradually whisk in melted butter, then water.
3. Return mix to sauce pan and beat over very low heat until slightly thickened. (I only did this for a short time because it can cause the eggs to start to scramble)

So then I poached some eggs, and cooked up some spinach. I cut some slices of my Onion Sage bread, toasted them, then spread some pesto (also homemade) over it, then sauteed spinach, eggs, hollandaise sauce, then I sprinkled a little smoked paprika over the tops. I love smoked paprika. I get it in bulk at Rainbow Grocery.

Anyway, it was really good. I was very proud of myself for not only making actually GOOD hollandaise sauce BUT doing a great job poaching eggs!!