Life's a Bitch and Then You Marry One. That's What I Always Say.

I hate to be a sad sack. I really do. It's just sometimes I am. I've been avoiding writing in this thing on account of people reading it. It's not that I don't want people to know what's going on with me as much as it's I don't want people to know that I'm having problems or who I'm having problems with. You know?

Basically what it boils down to is that Z and I are having problems. We haven't been getting along. We fight over really stupid shit that doesn't matter. Well, it matters. It's all those "little things" that people always say is what counts. Sometimes I want to just break up and get on with it and other times I think we can work it out.

What I really don't like about it all is that right now I need him. Financially. I've never had that problem before. I've always been at least semi financially independent. I mean, at least as far as living outside of my mom's house goes I've never had to rely on anyone. Don't get me wrong, my mom's definitely helped me out in the past, but that's totally different. She's never paid my rent (well, except one time for like 3 months when I was in "college"). My employment status has been the most chaotic it's ever been in my life since last August when I was fired from Cafe Divine for getting strep throat and the only reason I haven't been evicted yet is because Zachary has been helping out big time.

At first I felt I totally deserved it (him picking up all the checks, paying more rent, paying most, if not all the bills, etc, you get it). And I did deserve it. I've been there for him when he was financially down and out. I've picked up many a check. I've paid more rent. Then I got another job and we started splitting things pretty evenly. Then I lost my job because of sexual harassment. Then he started paying for things again. Then I got another job. He still had to pick up most of everything. Then I lost that job because I'm "not a team player," meaning, an old goth chick with dry skin and a weird, fried, mohawk-y thing was jealous of my phat ass.

Anyway, what are we even talking about?????

I think it's this weather. It's been cold, dreary, gloom and doom. Fuck it. I just need some vitamin D!