XMAS BEAST FEAST

The holidays! I really like them because there is sooooooo much good food! This year Zach and I hosted Thanksgiving and Christmas at our house. We didn't go anywhere because we both love being in the city during holidays (there's always abundant parking and no college kids at the bars).

Here are some pictures of our Xmas

beast feast.

2000 Light Years Away

i think we feel the same way
talking to you is always the highlight of the day for me
the more we talk, the more i like you
and the more i like you, the more frustrating it is that we can't be together
which makes me want to talk to you even more, and so on
it's always entertaining to talk to you
because you're incredibly intelligent and funny, but it's almost to the point of redundancy
i already KNOW you are the most charming person ever
and now i just want to be with you

and the futility of conveying my feelings to you is so exasperating
there's isn't anything i can say
not even if we talked until the sun came up
that a single kiss wouldn't express a million times better
the silence that exists in intimacy
it's so much better than the words we fumble around with

we're so lucky
that miserable part of relationships
that people want to erase is so far down the line
that it's not even worth mentioning
and even if we do get our hearts splattered all over hell
and end up hating each other
i promise i won't erase you

Lucky to be Alive

Hey there!

I'm hanging at work. It's been real slow. It's a lovely day today! Too bad I'm cooped up at the shoppe!

Last night I went to Kimo's to see Microtia, a band that Oliver is touring with. It was really fun and I drank enough to poison a small hippopotamus. I met Oliver's on-again-off-again girlfriend, Brittany, and was pleasantly surprised at how cool she is. Usually ex's ex's and whathaveyou's are awkward and unpleasant. She's cool though. She's totally someone I'd be friends with. Is that weird? I don't care.

Anyway, it was really nice to see Oliver, although, I don't remember really hanging out with him much. He was wearing that suede blazer, so I couldn't get too close. Suede is my least favorite texture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I just typed "hippopotamus" in google and the it said, "Did you mean

hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia ?"

Yeah, That's what I meant.

What up, World?

Long time, no read.

Remember when I didn't have a job and I couldn't get my head out of my butthole? Well now I have three jobs. I'm like a crazy cat lady, but with low-paying jobs. Well, not entirely.

I got a job at Lush Handmade Cosmetics (lush.com). I worked there for just under 3 months before I got fired. Yes, fired. Who gets fired from pretty close the the easiest job? Well, it wasn't that easy. In fact, I don't know why I said that. It was extremely challenging. But what it was is that there's this old, tacky, goth woman who works there that didn't like me. I was too "mainstream" for her! She's gotta be close to 50 years old. She's got dry skin. She's gross. Inside and out. Unfortunately she deleted her facebook, otherwise I'd post it. It's bad.

Anyway, who cares? Because not even a week later I got a job at Spectacles Shoppe in Union Square. It's where I get all my glasses. My boyfriend knows the owner, Kevin, he is rad and Zach worked there for a little minute a couple years ago. Anyway, it sort of fell into my lap and I am very thankful. I get to hang out and sell specs to weirdos.

I also work at the Ferry Building Farmer's Market on Saturdays and Thursdays for these lox guys called Cap'n Mike's Holy Smokes. The owners, Cap'n Mike and Sally Hiebert are awesome and the people I work with are rad. I feel very lucky to have met them.

Anyway, Cannons & Clouds are playing a show tonight at the Knockout. It was put together by this lady who is on the board for the Treasure Island music festival, apparently. I think they're doing some sort of show case. Davey's band, Monoliths, is playing too.

Life's a Bitch and Then You Marry One. That's What I Always Say.

I hate to be a sad sack. I really do. It's just sometimes I am. I've been avoiding writing in this thing on account of people reading it. It's not that I don't want people to know what's going on with me as much as it's I don't want people to know that I'm having problems or who I'm having problems with. You know?

Basically what it boils down to is that Z and I are having problems. We haven't been getting along. We fight over really stupid shit that doesn't matter. Well, it matters. It's all those "little things" that people always say is what counts. Sometimes I want to just break up and get on with it and other times I think we can work it out.

What I really don't like about it all is that right now I need him. Financially. I've never had that problem before. I've always been at least semi financially independent. I mean, at least as far as living outside of my mom's house goes I've never had to rely on anyone. Don't get me wrong, my mom's definitely helped me out in the past, but that's totally different. She's never paid my rent (well, except one time for like 3 months when I was in "college"). My employment status has been the most chaotic it's ever been in my life since last August when I was fired from Cafe Divine for getting strep throat and the only reason I haven't been evicted yet is because Zachary has been helping out big time.

At first I felt I totally deserved it (him picking up all the checks, paying more rent, paying most, if not all the bills, etc, you get it). And I did deserve it. I've been there for him when he was financially down and out. I've picked up many a check. I've paid more rent. Then I got another job and we started splitting things pretty evenly. Then I lost my job because of sexual harassment. Then he started paying for things again. Then I got another job. He still had to pick up most of everything. Then I lost that job because I'm "not a team player," meaning, an old goth chick with dry skin and a weird, fried, mohawk-y thing was jealous of my phat ass.

Anyway, what are we even talking about?????

I think it's this weather. It's been cold, dreary, gloom and doom. Fuck it. I just need some vitamin D!

In a coma

This is the latest installment of my plum tree. My side/back-ish area was the total worst. I could hardly take it. I still took it though (thatswhatshesaid). Now I'm exhausted. I feel like I got all of the life knocked out of me. I'm really excited about this piece. It's going to look so cool when it's done. It already looks so cool. You can see the progression on my facebook. GOODNIGHT!

Listening to Lungfish!

Zach and I are playing music together here and there. It's tentatively called "Hushabye Mountain". The band name sounds like it could be something epic, which is more what I want. I seem to like long, drawn-out, echo-y, slow stuff. Sort of like a Jesu-ish kinda sound but with minor chords.

I haven't washed my hair in almost a week and it seems to be getting healthier and not greasy. It's a little greasy. I've been sifting baby powder into it. Luckily my hair is kind of light right now. Anyway, I guess being the poorest I've ever been has some advantages.

Speaking of which, I really AM the POOREST I've EVER been. Ever. I just spent my last dollar on rent and I'm still short. For some reason, though, I'm not toooo worried about it. I mean, don't get me wrong, I've been freaking out a little here and there, crying hysterically, getting really down on myself, not sleeping well, having awful dreams, etc...but I don't know, at this very moment I'm feeling like everything is going to work itself out. I mean, it has to, right? I'm a good person, right? I deserve a chance? Right?

However, since I am broke and my food stamps don't re-up until the 10th (1 week from today) I have to be even more creative in the kitchen and I have to eat less. I've ended up eating weird concoctions, which I don't want to repeat (maybe because I've blocked them from my mind), and also eating 1 or 2 really small meals a day. I hope I lose some of this baby fat, NAW MEAN?!?!

Lovums,

Verni